Lunar Halo - poetry

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW (sung of course)
W
double-U
What the hell is that?
out of the blue a three syllable letter
What kind of pretentious letter basically gives
itself a title
three times longer than any other letter to give
itself
some sense of self importance?
What only one syllable? ha ha ha I'm "W"

And "W" is such a nagging little bastard anyway
always interrogating
"Where were you?"
"Were you going to pick that up?"
"What are you doing?"
"Who was that?"
"Would you get the phone?"
"When are you going to take out the trash?"
"Why..." and that's the worst case right there
"W" stole the thunder from a word that sounds
exactly like another letter
And "Y" has a hard enough time as it is
She's already at the end of the alphabet
She's usually relegated to suffix duty
only starting words like yak and yoyo and yatzee.
Okay "Y"...fads, stupid games, and obscure hoofed mammals
you get to ride shotgun, otherwise back of the bus.
So fucking "W" comes over with this stretched out name
and says back where you belong "Y"
I don't care if it sounds like you
just get back where you belong.

"W"
They don't call him that because he sounds like two
"U's"
They call him that because he looks like two "U's" sitting side by side
or "V's" depending on the font
which would be fine if all the other letters were likewise named.
But "H" isn't called "double I with a bridge"
"G" isn't called "C with a tumor"
"R" isn't called "masculine P"
and "Q" isn't called "O with a kickstand"

And while we're on the subject of "Q"
"Q" is and effete snob that has some serious codependency issues
He can't even be seen in public without
his personal hanger on "U"
who's really just an enabler
But I suppose as the least popular vowel
“U” put all his eggs in one basket
and signed an exclusive contract
but that's still no way to live man

So "Q" get some help
Better yet all the other letters
should get together and have an intervention
The same thing goes for "C"
who's been inconsolable ever since he found out
"K" and "S" could accomplish everything he could
without the confusion.

But that bastard "W" would probably skip both
since he figures he's two times better than "Q's"
friend "U"
and three times longer than any other letter
Except for "X"
That "X" is one bad mother
don't ever forget it
But back to "W"
who needs to come down off that pedestal
Wake up "W"
you need to change your name
and let your words speak louder than your shape
You need a one syllable name
indicative of your sound
and your personality
Hmmm.
Let's see...
"Wa"
"We"
"Wi"
"Wo"
Oh, I've got it
how about "Wuss"

I’ve never liked my name
Aaron
it’s a name I must always repeat and spell
Aaron…A-a-r-o-n
no not A-r-r-o-n
or E-r-i-n
The first I’ve only seen on souvenir license plates
the second is both feminine and Irish
of which I am neither.

It seems especially odd to me that my name is oft misspelled
as I have been led to believe that the Judeo-Christian tradition
is the dominant culture in America today.
And since Aaron was a fairly prominent figure
in one of the most prominent tales of the old testament
you’d think that, if nothing else, people would have admired
the alphabetical advantages of having a name that begins with A’s
I mean they even made movies about this story
Exodus
The Ten Commandments
with Charleton Heston as Moses
Yul Brenner as Pharaoh
Edward G Robinson as that slimy “Where’s your God now Moses” guy
But who played Aaron?
Some extra with a beard
Some washed up actor with a studio contract
some part of the background scenery
just standing around holding his rod.

That’s right…Aaron was the original slacker.
If he were alive today
Moses would have turned Aaron’s X-box into a hoard of angry vipers

And after twenty-seven years of living the name,
I feel that I have truly continued his legacy
for I too feel like a sidekick
just trying to stay out of the way of greatness.
For I’m smart enough to know I’m not that smart
talented enough to know I’m not that talented
and open minded enough to know just how limited I am.

I worry that I am accepted because of
what I am rather than who I am.
And I can imagine what it must have felt like
to be high priest
but wonder if it had more to do with nepotism
than personal worth
How it felt to slaughter the sacrificial lambs
and enter the holy of holies
but never speak directly to God
How it felt to so clearly see
what could never be his.

And then
the one time he’s in charge
when Moses takes off to do lunch with Yahweh
what’s he do?
He gives the people what they want…a golden calf
yep…slacker and sellout

And maybe that’s where I’ll end up
if I ever make it as a writer or musician
Cranking out some sitcom for the WB
or the latest Jean-Claude Van Damme action thriller
That or I’ll write some one hit wonder
Right Said Fred kind of techno bullshit.

And I have to wonder if things would have been different
if my parents named me something else.
for sake of consistency I’ll stick with the Old Testament motif
How about…Sampson Hull
I’d have bulging muscles and luxurious long hair cascading down my
back like an ebon waterfall. I’d be constantly used by beautiful women
and required by law to avoid buildings with Romanesque architecture.
Or…Solomon Hull
I’d be wise beyond my years with a slew of concubines at my feet
Or…Ezekiel Hull
It certainly sounds different, and even though I can’t remember what he did maybe he got women too.

Oh who am I kidding?
I just need to accept who I am
and sell out the first chance I get.
Yeah, I’ll use some pop and drop tie in
instead of a real conclusion
Ok?
ready?
here goes
uns…uns…uns…uns
I’m too sexy for this poem